My mom thinks I am vulgar

Boy, did i get a tongue lashing today.   Let's just say that my mom does not understand how a respectable well-educated boy from Westchester, NY could talk in such a way.  "Aukie was not like that at all... He would never talk in such a manner around people!",  I was told I need to be more respectful of my grandfather plus my grammar and spelling is simply atrocious.

  My mom on Rosh Hashanah.  Look at the size of that Challah!

Hey Ma.. this is gonna be a wild ride so put on your seatbelt.  To create the perfect pastrami, i will have to dig deep into my soul to pull out the perfect flavor.  It is gonna be beautiful and ugly at the same time, but we will create a culinary masterpiece! 

Also, if you are expecting perfect verse and syntax then i would go to Strunk and White.  I graduated NYU with an English major, but that is only because they did not have American.  I am gonna talk some shit on this Blog.  I have never blogged before and i do not care that it is a public forum.  Feel free to look over my shoulder if you must, but all i care about is my pursuit of real hand-crafted Pastrami!